Ebbs and Flows

“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Job 1:21b ESV

My oldest son suffered a concussion in late March. He was in PE at school when it happened. Apparently, he got a little carried away with the activity at hand and slipped backwards, impacting the back of his head on concrete.

The school nurse called to let me know, explaining that she had put ice on the area then later sent him back to class after the pain had subsided. Although it didn’t sound like he needed me to come get him, I decided to pick him up anyway. I figured he probably needed the emotional support if his fall was as bad as it sounded.

He was called to the school office after I arrived, his eyes bloodshot from crying.

“Can I see you, Mom?” he then asked.

I chuckled nervously at such a bizarre question, but then grew concerned.

“I don’t know. Can you see me?’

He kept pointing to his right eye, so I covered his left one and asked him again, to which he responded that he couldn’t. Soon after, we were on our way to the emergency room after a quick detour to leave the baby with JJ, who was fortunately home that afternoon.

 The ER was packed that day, and I feared we would have a long wait. Thankfully, we got into triage soon enough, and the medical staff put Liam into a room right away thereafter. Soon, he was taken to get a CT scan. As we waited for the results in his assigned room, he experienced a host of other worrisome symptoms. His arm felt weird and his mouth felt soft (his descriptions), and he all the sudden felt hot, was drowsy, and at one point wanted to throw up. Fortunately, all of these symptoms, alongside his eyesight, cleared up before we left the emergency room that day, and his CT scan did not show any brain injury either. The medical staff diagnosed it as a concussion and gave us precautions to follow for the rest of the week. He stayed home from school the following day.

On Wednesday, I hesitantly took him back to school, making sure that his PE coach and teachers knew he was not to run or be too active per the doctor’s orders. Although he seemed to be just fine after school that day, he got sick with something unrelated that night and had to stay home the following day. Fortunately, he recovered quickly and was back to school by Friday.

We had a fairly normal weekend, but then CJ got sick on Monday night with the stomach bug, and I caught it from him that Tuesday. A few days later, JJ started to feel sick, too. CJ developed an ear ache around this time and started antibiotics, and we all were starting to feel well once again. I was glad to have this all behind us. But the following weekend, Liam was not feeling himself, and he caught what seemed to be yet another stomach bug just a few days later. And just as he had recovered from that, he caught pink eye and had to stay home from school once again. During all this, I took CJ back to urgent care, as his ear infection did not resolve itself through his initial round of antibiotics, and as of last night, it was determined at the ER that he must be allergic to the new antibiotics he just started, as he developed a rash and has been having stomach pains also, which may or may not be from the allergy. Time will tell.

It has been a hard season, and lately I have been feeling discouraged and depleted.

Back in January, as my family and I were experiencing a different set of inconveniences, I was tempted to peg this year as a bad one. Fortunately, I have lived long enough to recognize that, as hard as a year may be, it’s not all bad. Each year has its set of joys and sorrows. Much like the ocean, life is full of ebbs and flows.

Lately, as we experience this waning as a family—as the “tide” recedes beyond our reach, I think of how much I need to release to God what I’ve only ever had an illusion of grasping. Now is the time to surrender to Him once more. It’s the moment to ask Him for the willingness to be flexible and for the desire to do His will. Moments like these make us remember that all good things come from God and belong to Him in the first place. Am I willing to surrender these good gifts back into His hands?

I won’t lie. I don’t really like to be in this place. But while I’m here, I hope I can make the most of it. I pray I can seek to worship God in it. And as I learn to surrender to Him in this season of ebbing, I trust that His love, joy, peace, and so many other good gifts will flow into my life from His good hand.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

James 1:17 ESV