The year my husband JJ and I got married, I bought an ornament of two lovebirds painted on wood that depicted our first Christmas together as a married couple. The next year, a friend of mine made an ornament for me that said “Baby on the Way” since JJ and I were expecting. I also found an ornament that year portraying a pregnant woman, so I bought it. The following year, I bought an ornament which stated “Baby’s First Christmas” for our first Christmas with our son.
After so many Christmases of buying ornaments to represent each year, I can’t help but want to continue this tradition for years to come.
This year I wanted to buy an ornament in the shape of a heart but couldn’t find one, so I decided to make one instead. I have yet to finish it, but it’s a simple wooden heart that I painted red and will attach twine to so that I can hang it up. I’ll write the year on one side, and I’ll include the following verse on one side as well:
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”Psalms 73:26
As I have mentioned in past posts, this year has been hard. Our son became ill toward the end of January and had to be admitted to the hospital for a couple of nights. Fortunately, he received treatment to counteract his illness and recovered quickly, but his health was affected nonetheless. As a result, he had to take medication daily and have follow up appointments with a specialist.
We have been very fortunate because Liam has lived a pretty normal life this year despite all of this. JJ and I have had to make some significant alterations in our activities, however, to ensure that Liam stays as healthy as he possibly can (if he were to come down with the flu while on his medicine, he could become seriously ill).
The biggest change of this year has been my attendance of a group for mothers with preschoolers and to church.
I had to stop attending the mothers of preschoolers group altogether because the group I was attending could not accommodate my son and me in our new set of circumstances. It was painful to have to leave that group since I had found so much support and encouragement in it as a new mom with a young child, but at the same time I saw how intentional God was in causing me to leave, so I have had to trust that He has a good purpose for it and that He has not been withholding goodness from me in taking that group away from me.
As far as church is concerned, JJ and I stopped attending for awhile. We would listen online as a couple, but it was hard to fully focus since Liam would be playing noisily beside us. By May, JJ and I agreed to start taking turns watching Liam every week so that the other could go to church.
In June, the flu season finally ended. Since my desire to go to church as a family was growing, I suggested to JJ that we pray about it. There was a measles outbreak by July, however, and since our son had not yet received his MMR vaccine (he would not be eligible to receive it until 11 months after the treatment he received at the hospital), going to church together as a family was no longer an option.
Needless to say, it has been a somewhat isolating year for me. There have been times when I have had to stay home for days on end so that I don’t expose Liam to germs. With no family in town and a husband who works long hours, this has made those days especially difficult. It has been easy to feel lonely and forgotten at different times throughout this year.
There have also been days of wondering why everything had to work out the way it was. Liam’s health seemed like a big knot that I couldn’t untie. The more I tried to “fix” things, the more I saw how God had ordained these events in our lives. Our circumstances and the complexity of them were just too precise for me to believe they were a coincidence. As much as I hated that at times and just wished that God would change things, I found a great amount of comfort in recognizing that God was in control of the situation and that He would bring us through it. This time in our lives was not in vain.
Last Wednesday, JJ and I took Liam to another doctor appointment. It was the first time this year in which I didn’t feel weepy the entire week before the appointment. I was kind of surprised by this but figured I was just getting used to our new reality. I imagined the results would be the same as Liam’s past appointments, but I was wrong. They were not the same.
Liam got sick when he was only 11 months old, and now 11 months later, we were hearing different results than what we had been told for the last 11 months. Liam was healed! God had healed him!
As soon as the doctor stepped out of the room, we hugged as a family and JJ kissed me and then Liam. Tears of joy were streaming down my face that afternoon, and it’s a moment I hope to never forget.
The doctor still wants Liam to continue taking his medicine as a precaution until his next (and perhaps final) appointment, so we will still need to take measures to protect Liam’s health for the time being. Nonetheless, God has brought us through the darkest moments of this ordeal, and we have hope for the future.
I am still unsure as to why these events were part of God’s plans for us this year. I can only imagine that the answers will unfold with time. I can say, however, that I believe more fully in God’s faithfulness today than I did a year ago. And I take less for granted than I did before as well.
Whatever God’s purposes have been for this past year, I pray I have learned and will continue to learn the things that God wants to teach me through it. God has given us such a beautiful Christmas gift this year in allowing us to see Liam restored to health. I know, however, that the lessons learned and the ways He has wanted to mature me this past year through these events are meant to be gifts as well, and I want to receive all the gifts God has in store for me.